Occupy your face!

Dear Occupy Oakland,
What on earth is wrong with you? What good do you think will come of violence and vandalism? Didn't this begin as a peaceful protest? Shame on you. If you are going to protest corporate America, if you are going to protest income inequality, don't do it by desecrating your already impoverished city. Now your tax money can go to fixing the mess you made instead of being invested in job creation. Idiots.
Signed, The Daily Bitchslap.

Learned Behavior

Today's slapping is dedicated to people who curse like vagrant pirate sailor hookers in front of their kids and wonder why "they gotta act like that" when the kid displays the same behavior.

As a regular commuter on public transit, I get to see this fine parenting skill live in action, twice a day. Parents throw their kid down on the seat, start talking at a volume that would be loud for a rock stadium, about their deadbeat Dad/Boyfriend/Husband who is slackin on the child support and those F bombs start FLYING.

Let me just say that I am no prude when it comes to swearing. I like a good curse word just as much as the next person. But, "fuck" should not be the noun, verb, pronoun, adverb AND adjective of your sentance. Plus, your kids are pretty much a mini-you. That old commercial, "I learned it by watching YOU", about sums it up.

Also, at 7:45 in the morning, on my way to another hellish day at the office, I'd like to listen to my music thankyouverymuch. Bitchslappage all around.

You didn't think we'd let this slide, did you?

This is a sure fire way to tell the world one thing: "I've given up." Slapping your face

another skinny bitchslap

The lovely Demi Moore is making entertainment headlines again. Seems that she and hubby Ashton Kutcher are finally calling it quits (shocking, I know), and the stress in her life has become too much to bear causing the actress to be hospitalized for “exhaustion.” We have nothing against the metabolically challenged over here at the daily bitchslap, but something tells me that Ms. Moore might feel a whole lot better if she ate a big plate of pasta and a bowl of ice cream. Trust me, honey, you can use the calories. Calorie = unit of energy. EAT!! I'd slap you, but I'm afraid I'd knock you over.

Zooey?!?



Maybe I'm off my rocker on this one, but I just do not get that Zooey Dechanel.  Sure, she was relatively cute and funny in "Elf", but besides that, not much of her other work is appealing to me.  And, ok, she can play the ukulele and sound all mopey.  Her TV show is truly the most annoying, self-indulgent piece of crap on TV next to that new Chelsea Handler sitcom.  In pictures, she is always styled in this vague 1950's retro look (see above). Girl, fire the publicist who let THAT picture be in a major fashion magazine, it looks like you're pooping very expensive shoes.   Not so good.  I think a firm shake up of her image as America's-Hipster-Cottonwearing-Anthroshopping-It-Girl would do her some good, and possibly not make me gag every time I see her.  

Slap.

Hello?.... SLaP!

Need I say more? Now knock it off. Slapping your faces!

Marky Mark

 

Well, there are many sure fire ways to kill the promotion of and sales from your new movie.  And our buddy here, Mark Wahlberg, aka Marky Mark (circa "the Funky Bunch") sure picked a good one!

In case you've missed it, here's what Mark said recently while giving an interview for Men's Journal :

"If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn't have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, 'OK, we're going to land somewhere safely, don't worry,'" 

So, he's since recanted and apologized (sort of).  But, let's break it down kiddies.  This guy pretends to be a badass in movies, and I'm sure he's pretty strong, but he is absolutely freaking delusional here.  The Funky One seems to be forgetting that he does NOT really beat up bad guys or solve crimes or rescue damsels in distress.  His stunt men do.  In a movie.

Do yourself a favor Marky, slap yourself silly.  You need it.

SLAPPAGE!