slap for fashion

Oh dear. Readers. Have you seen this new show on nbc, Fashion Star? What a piece of crap! For the past two weeks, I've tried to watch. Honestly I have. I gave each episode a solid 5 minutes of my attention. I mean, I like fashion. I like reality tv. You know what I don't like? This chick:

Whatever the hell she was wearing on her head last night made her look like a circus elephant. Are circus elephants trendy nowadays?

Oh they are? My bad. What do I know about fashion anyway? Smacking your face, Fashion Star.

Fighting the power

Today I'm giving my slap to the politicians & legislators in this country who are so actively cutting away at women's rights. It seems like I cannot go a single day without reading about some new wacko law that takes away birth control, limits sex education, or undermines Roe v. Wade.

Take note ladies. Even better, take down some notes, call your congressperson, senators and, yes, your President. Don't let them push us, and our daughters, back.

Snip. Snip. Slap!

Ummm. I’m stumped with this one, kids.  A urologist in Massachusetts is offering free pizzas to men who come in for a vasectomy during March Madness. Are men really that desperate for pizza that they are willing to undergo an uncomfortable surgical procedure? I mean, last time I checked, pizzas were a pretty readily available commodity in the United States. Maybe if this were Mumbai, where a pizza is probably more difficult to come by, maybe then pizza might be an incentive. 

Let’s weigh the options, shall we?  On one hand we’re talking about surgery, which is probably pretty expensive, right? And on the other hand, well, there’s pizza, which costs about 10 bucks and is available 24/7 pretty much everywhere. I'm not seeing the incentive there genius.

You should really consider smacking your marketing department. Oh heck, don’t worry about it. We’ll smack ‘em for you, with a slice of pepperoni.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/mad-mad-world/Now-get-free-pizza-for-undergoing-vasectomy/articleshow/12295243.cms

The History Channel

A big slap today to the History Channel, who's current lineup consists of... Top Gear (about cars), Top Shots (guns), Ax Men (trees) and Swamp People (your guess is as good as mine).

I ask you, dear readers, do any of the aforementioned shows have ANYTHING to do with history?  Yeah, not so much. What is is a desperate attempt to make as much cheap reality TV and cram it on a channel.   So, call it what it is, k?  The Weirdos Doing Weird Crap Channel. 

SLAP.

Idol slap!

Well well well. Jermaine Jones, you came across as such a sweet guy. So humble. So gracious. Then why, oh why did you get kicked off of American Idol after just one week of performance?

Hmmm... I decided to investigate! Seems you were a bit of a jackass, Mr. Jones. Seems you have a bit of a temper. Seems you "terrorized" Idol staff. Seems you, sir, are a big old lying sneaky jerk. Bummer. I liked your Barry White, Lutha vibe. But, that just means more people can vote for my gal Jessica Sanchez. Go 'head Jessica!

Inspirational Videos

This week I had the pleasure of going to a new employee orientation for my job.   A 2 day journey into corporate based health care.  Fun for all ages!

Seriously though, I don't mind sitting through most of this stuff.  From time to time something funny, like a trainer playing New York New York on a saxaphone (for real)  or someone arriving late after a break and having to do the chicken dance (also real).

Here's  what earns a slap- the use of the "Inspirational Video".   Really people?  You spend all this money producing videos that my 5 year old could make in mere seconds with her Fisher Price  camera.   Begin the cheesy musak in the background.  A photographer who gets paid tons of money to travel and shoot beautiful nature scenes is telling me how to bring creativity into my every day job.   Listen Mr. Geographic, I am all about creativity, and even can muster being excited for work every now and then, but there is no way  your job compares with my cubicle in a brown brick hospital building.   Do me, and everyone else a favor, save the money on the video, find us someone who actually WORKS where we do and have them come in for 10 minutes and inspire us. 

Thanks so much.  SLAPPING YOU.

Slap and the City

Dear Sarah Jessica,
Please. We implore you. Eat a sandwich. Carbs are you friend. You look more and more like a walking skeleton each time we see you on the red carpet.

I'm going to tell you a secret, SJP. The skinnier you get, the older you look. It's true honey. You're looking a bit like the crypt keeper here (with Alf hair).

Now go, have some french fries before I slap you with a string of sausage links.

Parking garages

Why oh why are parking garages designed like labyrinths?  Must I really loop up & down a garage 20 times to get the heck out?  Who designs these things anyway?  

SLAP.

Slap You, Mike Seaver

Kirk Cameron is a smacked ass. No wonder he is the recipient of today's slappage.

http://www.eonline.com/news/kirk_cameron_defends_himself_it_my/299128

Flying the not-so-friendly skies

Airlines.  They are truly pure evil. 

I'm not a big flier, I get on a plane maybe once a year.   But yesterday I had the "pleasure" of flying one of the nation's biggest airlines (rhymes with slighted) from Orlando to Philly.  There was an issue with a delay on a previous flight which was delayed 5 hours, which caused my flight to be delayed almost 4 hours. 

 Listen, I'm a reasonable human being, I understand that flight delays are inevitable.  But, what made me mad enough to slap 'em was the attitude from customer service. After hour 2, I very calmly approached the "service" desk to ask the status of the flight  (or maybe quieter places to sit with my overtired 5 year old), I was blatantly ignored by not one, not two, but three attendants, who seemed to be more concerned about their coffee break than my existence. This went on & on for some time until I walked away from the podium, then sat down next to my husband and loudly said "Maybe I  should call the main office if no one will help me here".  Suddenly, it's like a switch goes off in their collective brains and they actually start trying to help customers and its all sunshine smiles and rainbows.

If I remember correctly, I'm pretty sure our tax dollars went to bailing these suckers out back in 2001.  And, I'm damn sure I personally forked over $630 for tickets and $50 for luggage fees on this trip alone.  So, maybe a little less sighing and a little  more smiling from the start could have made this a lot more tolerable and save them from the

SLAP.